Not Me Monday

I love reading the "Not Me Monday" column of our dear friend Jennifer. It always gives me a good chuckle and inspires me to write my own "Not Me Monday" column. However, my "Not Me Column" will travel back in time a few years as there has not been anything of interest for this past week.

The NOT ME ghost has NEVER sent a dozen long stems to his (now ex-) wife on Valentine's Day. No roses, just long stems. The NOT ME ghost has NEVER done this because he understands that such a gesture is not funny and would not be taken lightly. Especially by someone who has spent the rest of her day notifying co-workers of their own Valentine's Day deliveries. (This is also NOT one of the reasons the NOT ME ghost has an ex-wife.) The NOT ME ghost knows that sending a dozen long stem black roses would have been a slightly better gesture than sending a dozen long stems without roses. (This will never happen with the Not Me ghost's current wife because he cares way too much to do something as thoughtless and cheap [they were NOT free] as that.) The NOT ME ghost has NEVER had to buy a replacement dozen long stem roses at a much higher premium to try to make up for his inconsiderate gift.

I have NEVER watched a lateral file roll down a flight of stairs after lugging it up the stairs by myself because I know that a lateral file is too heavy for one person to carry up a flight of stairs. If such a thing ever did happen, I would NEVER complete the delivery of the file as if nothing had happened because I know that no matter how well a file is made, it would not survive rolling down a flight of stairs without sustaining damage.

I have NEVER traded my $1,800.00 vaccuum cleaner for a car that did not run. This would be true even if I only owed $800.00 on the said vaccuum cleaner and if the owner of the car were my brother - who originally sold me the vaccuum cleaner.

I have NEVER drilled four screws through the top of a custom built-in mahogany desk while mounting a keyboard tray underneath the desk. And, if I had, I certainly would NOT have done this to the desk of the president of the Finish Line (shoe and sporting goods reatiler).

Definitely, NOT ME. Maybe some other poor fool, but NOT ME.