The Refrigerator's Purpose

This is a Not Me Monday story, only it really truly does not invole me. It involves another member of our family who "dared" me to write about this Not Me event. That individual will remain nameless, but they did not wish to write about it themselves.

On Friday night, I (substitute the real culprit here) did not have a bowl of cereal before going to bed. And on Saturday morning, I (again substitute the real culprit)did not wake up with no milk to have cereal for breakfast. On Saturday afternoon, I (real culprit) did not open the kitchen cabinet for a glass to get a drink and find a 1/4 gallon of milk.

On Saturday, our family went shopping in Clarksburg and had dinner at Ryan's. James was given milk with his free kid's meal. The waitress brought two pint size cartons of milk. James drank one and we brought the other home.

On Sunday, morning I (real culprit again), did not find an unopened pint sized carton of milk in James' diaper bag.

What is really funny about this Not Me incident, is that it appears to run in a certain family. I have heard stories of a grandmother (not mine) who was notorious for doing similar things in the later years of her life.

I am now wondering how much we can get for our old refrigerator since we obviously don't need it anymore. Any offers?

Not Me Monday

I love reading the "Not Me Monday" column of our dear friend Jennifer. It always gives me a good chuckle and inspires me to write my own "Not Me Monday" column. However, my "Not Me Column" will travel back in time a few years as there has not been anything of interest for this past week.

The NOT ME ghost has NEVER sent a dozen long stems to his (now ex-) wife on Valentine's Day. No roses, just long stems. The NOT ME ghost has NEVER done this because he understands that such a gesture is not funny and would not be taken lightly. Especially by someone who has spent the rest of her day notifying co-workers of their own Valentine's Day deliveries. (This is also NOT one of the reasons the NOT ME ghost has an ex-wife.) The NOT ME ghost knows that sending a dozen long stem black roses would have been a slightly better gesture than sending a dozen long stems without roses. (This will never happen with the Not Me ghost's current wife because he cares way too much to do something as thoughtless and cheap [they were NOT free] as that.) The NOT ME ghost has NEVER had to buy a replacement dozen long stem roses at a much higher premium to try to make up for his inconsiderate gift.

I have NEVER watched a lateral file roll down a flight of stairs after lugging it up the stairs by myself because I know that a lateral file is too heavy for one person to carry up a flight of stairs. If such a thing ever did happen, I would NEVER complete the delivery of the file as if nothing had happened because I know that no matter how well a file is made, it would not survive rolling down a flight of stairs without sustaining damage.

I have NEVER traded my $1,800.00 vaccuum cleaner for a car that did not run. This would be true even if I only owed $800.00 on the said vaccuum cleaner and if the owner of the car were my brother - who originally sold me the vaccuum cleaner.

I have NEVER drilled four screws through the top of a custom built-in mahogany desk while mounting a keyboard tray underneath the desk. And, if I had, I certainly would NOT have done this to the desk of the president of the Finish Line (shoe and sporting goods reatiler).

Definitely, NOT ME. Maybe some other poor fool, but NOT ME.

NOT ME

A good friend of ours maintains a blog and a few weeks back, she posted a entry titled "NOT ME Monday". If I understood the blog correctly, it was a list of things she had done, but would never admit to doing. I'm sure she will correct me if I misunderstood, but on that assumption, I was inspired to write my own NOT ME entry.

• I have NEVER sliced my thumb open while trying to condense my trash into a soda can, because the openings of those soda cans are very sharp, I know this.


• I have NEVER left our garage door opener in my rental car upon returning it. Especially one that I rented from a location 2 hours away (Pittsburgh). And I have definitely NEVER done this when our only other garage door opener was with catsitter because we were traveling.


• I have NEVER locked myself out of our house and had to ask a neighbor for a ladder to remove the screen from a open window so I could then crawl through.


• I have NEVER put unleaded gasoline in a delivery truck that only runs on diesel fuel. NEVER. And if I had done it, I would NEVER do it a second time. I know the difference between a green handled pump and a black handled one. I also know that a diesel engine does not run well on unleaded gasoline.